Goals

I am not known for spending money on myself but after a visit with the family including a visit to the local jewellery store, I thought it might be OK to buy myself some jewellery and other things - since no one else is buying it for me :). But I decided that in order to buy something, I need to set and meet a goal. At first I could not think of any goals, being practically perfect in everyway (hahahah), but then a whole host of goal ideas presented themselves to me (humbling me by making me address my imperfections) and I am having difficulty deciding the best goal. I am not a goal setter but rather a more go with the flow type of person. Setting goals is setting myself up for failure. I avoid it when at all possible. Definitely new territory for me.

Here is a possible long list of goals.

1. Lose 10 pounds - seems like such a normal goal - bland.
2. Exercise 4 times a week for the next 3 months.
3. Make a doctor's appointment and get that checkup.
4. Stop with the constant use of the snooze button
5. Reignite my devotional and prayer life - be sure that I do them at least 5 times a week.
6. Limit my use of internet - biweekly fixes of Facebook and e-mail
7. Limit my consumption of TV - one show a day max.
8. Learn something new - knit, crochet ? ? ?
9. Revise my resume and contemplate the future.

Any suggestions?

On the edges of town

This year I have joined the community choir. I and about 20 other people get together once a week to sing. I am one of the youngest singers. Sometimes I feel like I am part of the Young at Heart choir. Very entertaining documentary. But I digress.

Currently we are preparing for our spring concert. We are doing a war theme with songs from World War 1, WW2 and the 60s and other war type songs. As part of the sping concert, various group members do small group performances.

I was asked to join a trio with two grandmas. We are going to be the Andrews sisters and sing "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree (with anyone else but me) while dressed in grass skirts and other Hawaian paraphanalia. Apparently the Andrews sisters performed at Pearl Harbour. I did not come up with the concept. But I am digressing again.

Wednesday was our first rehearsal. I recieved directions to one of the grandma's houses on the outskirts of town. I thought that I had a vaque idea where this place was - but it turns out that I had no idea at all.

1. First I am from the Prairies. If someone lives by the lake - there is only one lake to choose from with only one community on it. Here, there are multiple lakes with multiple communities - Vezazaue Beach, Pelican Narrows, Bville Beach and others. I swear that I hit them all.

2. Second, I swore that she told me to turn after the big flag and the tourist information booth but apparently she told me to turn after the golf course. Regardless, Bville Beach road is not labelled and as it turns out I was on the wrong road in the first place.

3. I am a city girl that does not do well with country road directions. Telling me to veer right at the green sign with white writing before the road turns to go into Bville Beach doesn't really work for me. Especially when I am not sure where Bville Beach is and when most signs are green with white writing.

4. The cell phone is not very helpful on the edge of town when, as you are trying to finding out where you are and where you should be going, it loses reception completely.

5. I hadn't filled up on gas before leaving town (it was supposed to be a quick trip) and my gas tank was slowly approaching empty.

After 45 minutes, I did find the house. I think that it was the longest record for finding that house. Even though I didn't feel much like singing afterwards, practice did go well.

I am pleased to report that it only took me 10 minutes to get home :(.

Me the athlete

Comments from strangers have been encouraging me to keep up my blogging so hear goes. . . an exploration of trying new things.

This fall I took up volleyball. Now you must understand that I am super unathletic. I played volleyball until I reached Grade 8 in a small school where everyone made the team and I still spent a significant time on the bench. I blame my slow reflexes on learning volleyball using a balloon and the back of our coach as the net. My family would say that I was pretty quick at swatting that balloon away from the book that I was reading. They are right. I was really more part of the net then a participant of the game.

However, since I am in a new place, I took up volleyball after meeting the team leader at a community booth during the fall sign up for sports and other things. My team was a great team. They did not get frustrated at my inability to set, block or spike. I can bump and underhand serve. That was the extent of my skills.

This weekend, we had our closing tournament. On Saturday, we played 7 different volleyball matches. It was tiring and yet so satisfying. I could see my improvement of skills. Once I jumped up to block a spike and even got a piece of the ball. The team sometimes even sets to me so that I can hit over the net. They place me in their line up because I have good sets for one of our major hitters. Me?!?!

So I have been inspired to continue trying new things -maybe even athletic things. Let's see I could try serving overhand, throwing a ball (my dad would appreciate it if I threw like a girl instead of like a baby) or swinging a golf club without inducing laughter from spectators at seeing the little white ball land less than a foot away. Yes it is possible to suck that badly.

What comes next? That is something that I too would like to know.

New Years Res

Ok so last year my New Years resolution was for change and relearning how to smile with my eyes. Done and done. I am smeyezing (Top Model speak for smiling with your eyes), although their is still a shadow of grief behind the emerging crowsfeet. Although I have left Trout Lake, I still think of my friends there often and remember bits of the heartbreak that I saw. Sometimes the pieces of the continual heartbreak still reach me here.

So what does this year have in store? Do I have new resolutions? Well yes. I resolve to live life fully - to not say No to something unless it is a conflict of time, immoral or illegal. Ok I will still say No because I don't want to be a door mat but I won't let fear or other insecurities hold me back.

This really is a continuation of some of the things I have been doing since September but I am going to be even MORE intentional about it.

So this week . . .

• i went to bible study to play games and watch Canada lose at the World Juniors :( even though I felt insecure about walking up to a house alone and not knowing the owners. I knew my Bible study folks inside but still was unsure about going.
• i went to listen to the leader of the Wild Rose Alliance with my roomie and heard what she had to say about the political state of Alberta. Like all politicians she didn''t really say much of anything. But then again, I would really like to hear provincial politicians say the following, "We will throw an infinite amount of money at education so that all classes can be just over 20 kids each and you, yes you, the girl writing this blog, are guaranteed a contract next year and if you ever have trouble finding a job come talk to me personally and I will make sure that I find a position that is suitable for you."

Yep that person would have my vote for sure. But since the Wildrose Alliance is all libertanian and small government, I don't think that I am going to hear that from them.

Making Friends

Life is good so let me give a little review - a bit of summary.

Trout Revisited - I took a personal day to take one of my Trout students to the airport so that he could start his adventure with Katimavik - a canada youth volunteer program. It was his first time in an airplane - didn't realize that it would be a big jet. Actually, it was his first time in a real airport. He asked me if the Edmonton airport was opened everyday. He never realized that an airport can be a hub, a portal to many different places. I explained to him that Edmonton airport was actually small compared to other places. Oh the things that he will learn.

Thanksgiving - I went to a Friend's farm in Unity SK. It was so nice not to have to drive 7 plus hours for family turkey dinner. We played games, watched the Riders win, ate, ate some more, explored Unity and took the combine for a joy ride. Yep, I drove a combine from the middle of the field to the edge. I have never had such an expense piece of equipment under my control.

In General - Life is really good right now. I have some stress but in general I also have a feeling of hope, joy and contentment that I had gradually lost over the past few years. I feel that slowly my soul and spirit are being built up again. I joined choir. I am trying yoga. I am coaching junior volleyball. I have people inviting me for outings with other people. I was even double booked on Saturday night and had to decide which event I wanted to attend - movie with small group, or dinner and movie with teachers. I feel like I am back after a long Trout Lake slumber.

Choices

I never realized how difficult moving to a new town could be. I am finding it very difficult right now to choose a church to attend on a regular basis. Maybe this is because choosing a church is an unnatural task. It means I am choosing one group of believers over another, one style over another, when maybe they should be blended rather than seperated.

One church that interests me is more spirit led. They love prayer. It is very multicultural. Services are very free flowing with laughter, a coffee break between singing and preaching, people standing up to tell what is on their hearts. Today the service was 2.5 hours long. A little out of my comfort zone by appreciate their enthusiasm and love for the community and for each other. It has many things going for it.

Yet it is a little out of my element. The preaching isn't as solid as I would like it to be. There are no small groups. Another church in the community offers that possibility.

How great it would be if these churches were combined? It would definitely cause some discomfort on both sides but also great love. THe Baptist church could use a little bit more spirit infusion. The Community church could use a little bit more solidity in the teaching.

Choosing between the two feels like an act against the body of Christ.

Gone but will not forget

Trout Lake is finished or at least on hiatus for now. The stress though is not gone. It is sitting at the back of my neck treatening a headache. The mixed feelings are not gone either. There is excitement that I am having a new start, new life. Yet I am full of sorrow and worry about those that I left behind. Will M be able to battle his depression and resist the temptation of suicide without me? Will T make it to Katimavik? He is so excited to be accepted to Canada's volunteer program for next year but leaving Trout is always a scary proposition. Will C grow closer to God or will alcohol and other stresses continue to pull her away from the one who adores her? Then there are all the others that I am going to miss. I have not escaped the heart ache but rather have taken it with me.

The morning that I left Trout Lake, I found out that one of my students - a grade 9 student - stabbed someone from the neighbouring town and that that person died. He is now charged with second degree murder. So much pain summed up in a short news article. What the article doesn't tell you is that this is the second homicide in a year. That since December, there has been 6 funerals between Trout and Peerless. Two of those elders were brothers and passed away with in weeks of each other. This first stabbing (by another youth) started this death trend. The article doesn't tell you that the young man involved has been crying out for help all year and that I was helpless in helping him, that he considers himself "the man" of the family and feels that he needs to protect his mom and siblings, that the first stabbing was committed by a relative that he idolized, that he recieved no support to deal with the first incident, that he is very smart but has been in and out of school all year. The community has not had time to heal and so the scars get thicker and thicker.

I am still stressed and worried so I commit these people into the hands of Christ who loves them and suffers with them. The tears at the back of my eyes do not help the ever looming headache.