Monday, July 06, 2009

Gone but will not forget

Trout Lake is finished or at least on hiatus for now. The stress though is not gone. It is sitting at the back of my neck treatening a headache. The mixed feelings are not gone either. There is excitement that I am having a new start, new life. Yet I am full of sorrow and worry about those that I left behind. Will M be able to battle his depression and resist the temptation of suicide without me? Will T make it to Katimavik? He is so excited to be accepted to Canada's volunteer program for next year but leaving Trout is always a scary proposition. Will C grow closer to God or will alcohol and other stresses continue to pull her away from the one who adores her? Then there are all the others that I am going to miss. I have not escaped the heart ache but rather have taken it with me.

The morning that I left Trout Lake, I found out that one of my students - a grade 9 student - stabbed someone from the neighbouring town and that that person died. He is now charged with second degree murder. So much pain summed up in a short news article. What the article doesn't tell you is that this is the second homicide in a year. That since December, there has been 6 funerals between Trout and Peerless. Two of those elders were brothers and passed away with in weeks of each other. This first stabbing (by another youth) started this death trend. The article doesn't tell you that the young man involved has been crying out for help all year and that I was helpless in helping him, that he considers himself "the man" of the family and feels that he needs to protect his mom and siblings, that the first stabbing was committed by a relative that he idolized, that he recieved no support to deal with the first incident, that he is very smart but has been in and out of school all year. The community has not had time to heal and so the scars get thicker and thicker.

I am still stressed and worried so I commit these people into the hands of Christ who loves them and suffers with them. The tears at the back of my eyes do not help the ever looming headache.