Sunday, October 29, 2006

In others words

I missed church today. My decision to miss it actually started yesterday when instead of doing schoolwork I read a novel. At 5:00, I still hadn't done anything productive so I quickly did laundry, cleaned house and went to school to prep for the days I would be away. I stayed at school until midnight. Then I came home and changed the time on my alarm clock and set my alarm. Either I slept right through the alarm or I forgot to change the time back to pm. So I slept past departure time.

That's all right though. My motives for going to church weren't exactly pure. I wanted to go and see if there were any youngish, available young men who attend church in Slave who were willing to fall in love with me and entertain me for the three days that I would be there. So maybe it is a good thing that I had my regular alone worship time here at home.

I love my Sunday mornings, especially when my basement roommate is gone because I can pull out my guitar and sing, shout and praise!! This morning was no exception. I have yet to talk to anyone, but my heart is filled with joy. Sunday mornings set the tone for the rest of my week.

So this morning I found a cool prayer that I would like to share with you all. It is written by Micheal Quoist - who I believe is Roman Catholic. This is only part of the prayer. The part in italics is the section that gets to me, for so often I am proud enough to think that my path is the only right path. This prayer is what I pray for you my readers and for my students. So often, they tick me off so much, I don't see their indespensibility or the hand of God at work in their lives.

Lord, living in your grace, let me share a little through the attention I give to others, your loving care for us. Let me, on my knees, adore in them the mystery of your created love. Let me respect your idea of them without trying to impose my own. May I allow them to follow the path that you have marked for them without trying to take them along mine. May I realize that they are indespensible to the world, and that I can't do without the least of them. May I never tire of looking at them and of enriching myself with the treasures you have entrusted to them. Help me to praise you in their journeyings, to find you in their lives. Grant that not an instant of their existence go by, not a hair of their heads fall, by me, as by you, unheeded.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Would you like to be my friend?

It was quite the week at school this week. I was the principal and had to deal with any discipline issues. Yech!! My students thought that it would be good to inform me that I was a lousy principal and that the real principal was better than me. I think that my agreement with their statements shut them up for a while. Of course the real principal is better than me.

So after the incredibly busy week I approach some of the teachers. Are we getting together this week to play a game or chill? "Oh gosh no!! We have too much work to do. We can't take a break - not even for two hours on a Saturday night."

AHHHHH!!! I can not think of school 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It is not healthy. I need social times of friendship and conversation outside of the school. So Saturday morning was a very lonely, depressed time as I missed my friends from last year. Not only was it normal to get together on the weekend but we sould get together twice during the week too. We had conversations outside of school - sure they were still about school but at least it wasn't in a classroom.

Anyways, I decided to stop the pity party and actually be productive so I too went to school to get some things done and then came home and watched TV. TV is my new best friend.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

My list of Thanksgiving

So one of my friends challenged all fellow bloggers to make a list of 5 things that they are thankful for. Thanks for the challenge Nancy and here I go with my list.

1. Being Canadian - we are so blessed here. I have food in abundance, more than enough money and freedom to express my opinions without fear of reprisal and being spied on by friends and family. I am healthy and have access to health care. I am very likely to live well and long. I can vote and I can worship freely. Truly something to be thankful for.

2. My family - close, extended and adopted. My family is so supportive of what I am doing and love me unconditionally. They too are healthy for which I am very thankful. But not only do I have great family, I have great extended family that pray for me - cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents. And not only that but I have adopted family too - friends that are so close that I can call them family for they too love me even when I don't stay in touch. They too support and pray for me.

3. The Beauty of Creation - The varying colours of green in spring. The flowers and fruit in summer. The riotous colours of fall and even the white softness of winter. I love all seasons. Right now it is snowing and I am thankful. I could also mention other aspects of creation. The inticracies of the bogs, the sunsets of the prairies, the beauty of the mountains, the way the universe is exactly as it needs to be for life to occur.

4. My calling - My life has purpose and direction. I am in a job that is difficult but that I love. I feel like I am making a difference in people's lives and in a community. I look back on my life and see all of the paths that led me here - Africa, Urbana, AFL summer work, Urbana, my church, university. It is all intricitely linked. "I know the plans I have for you. Plans to give you hope and a future."

5. So let's review some aspects of each of my points so far. Freedom to worship. People who pray for me. Creation. A calling in my life. So I guess that number 5 has got to be God, for without him none of this other stuff would be. My life would be random pieces that don't fit together or would not be at all. I am so glad that he is here guiding me, comforting me and being my friend.

All gratitude and thankfulness point back to Him.

The disease

I have been keeping busy up here in Trout - lesson plans, grad committee, being principal, teacher meetings, unit plans, marking, talking, cleaning, busy, busy , busy. I am feeling a little bit stressed, However, I think that I am keeping busy so that my stress stops me from feeling the lonliness and pain around me. I fill my life with noise and music and TV so I don't have to face anything else.

So today, with the snow falling, I stopped to contemplate the week. Last weekend, one of my student's mothers overdosed on a cocktail of pills and alcohol. She was taken to the hospital (possibly air lifted out) but had an inflamed brain. On Tuesday they took her off life support and she passed away. Happy Thanksgiving.

So today I was praying for her family and my heart broke for my student. In one weekend her life was turned upside down. Her father was arrested by the cops; her mother died and now she is alone and facing Social Services, another move and extreme pain. And I wish that I was busy enough that I didn't have the time to empathize with her but rather give a rushed prayer for her comfort.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

A lot of nothings

This week was a week just like any week. I did a lot of school work. I had a student swear at me. There was a student who broke a window. I had a class that went completely out of control - attitudes that could not be stopped - "What are you going to do about it they said?" "Control is the white man's way and we are native so we don't have to learn." So yeah I got the principal and they gave her similar attitudes. I don't like it when the class gets like that. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to show them love. It is like the evil in their lives gets so big and overpowering that it stops them and they can not move forward in any way. Yet these are isolated incidents - most of the week was OK - not spectacularly good or spectacularly bad.

My life is void of adventure right now. It is just school work and more school work. No fun with friends. It is dreary fall clouds or chilly windy days. No warm sunshine. I don't even have any political rants brewing in my chest that need to pop out. OK that is a little lie. It is there but it is still brewing and is not yet boiling over. So this week's entry is as bland as my life.

Hopefully next week will bring adventure my way.