Monday, January 02, 2017

Book #4 Boundaries - Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John TownsendHow

This book is a classic in Christian literature and in sociology as well. I feel like I have done some of the work requested in this book through other books and courses and life in general but I still have a long way to go in establishing boundaries. I am able to say no but sometimes I have trouble respecting other people's nos. I want to control.  I want to change people. I want "other-control".

I still have lots of questions though and I think that some of these questions show some of the work that I still need to do in establishing healthy boundaries.  So often reading this book I would see boundary work that others needed to do but had difficulty seeing my own lack of or impermeable boundaries.

  • How can I allow others into my boundaries?  How can I build community?  Be vulnerable?  Show my mess but not expect others to clean it up for me?
  • How can I change my motivation for boundaries?  Sometimes I use them to control and manipulate others rather than to establish my health and who I am?  As a result, my boundary setting appears petty, it appears like disciplining a child.
  • How do I establish and maintain boundaries in my marriage?  I find this aspect so difficult to do without seeming like I am treating my spouse like a child.
  • How do I establish and maintain boundaries with someone who has poor personal boundaries and little motivation for self improvement?
  • How do I establish and maintain boundaries in the classroom?  Now that would be an interesting book - boundaries for teachers.
One thing I really appreciate about this book is that it is salt.  It applies the gospel, our relationship with Christ, the character of God and shows how it is relevant to every life.  It shows how the gospel transforms lives now.  It is a book for everyone.  So many people, authors have seemed to take these concepts and applied them in the secular world but the application seems empty.  It is missing something vital - the character of God, the redemption of our relationships, the body of believers, adoption into Gods family.  The list goes on.

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