A World of Pain and Stress

I know that that is not a good intro to a Thanksgiving Day post but alas, it is how I am feeling. It sums up the Trout experience over the past few weeks.

Two weeks ago, we had a hushed day at school. After I arrived, the secretary came into talk to me. Her nephew would not be at school that day. One of the teen boys in Peerless had been killed in a hunting accident. At first they thought that he had accidently shot himself but the police found out that his hunting partner had accidently shot him. The whole school was shocked and the student didn't even attend here. I can't imagine the pain felt in the halls of Peerless. I felt for my students who already know so much pain. I felt for the child's family and the accidental shooter. They will always have to live with this tragedy. I felt fear that it could have happenned to one of my students. Fear that some day I may have to attend the funeral of a student or former student. It is my greatest fear.

All week there was a cloud over Trout. The funeral was the next Monday. On that day we found out that our principal's step-father had suddenly passed away. She had to go to BC to be with her mother. This leaves me in charge of the school. I will have almost been principal for three weeks in a row. There is a lot to do and I am feeling a little stressed (I have to conduct interviews and hire aids and Cree instructors tomorrow). Selfishly, I did notwant her to go console her mother because I wanted her here. Yet I also felt the pain of suddenly losing someone no matter what the age.

On Saturday morning, I recieved a call from one of my students. I could tell automatically that she was crying. This also usually means that she is drunk - which again was the case. But I am learning that truth is often spoken in a drunken slur. She started talking about her fears. Fears for her mother who is sick and going to the doctor. Fears of losing her mother - the person that cares for her the most. Through her pain came anger at all who have abandoned her and hurt her and told her that she is worthless and bad. I prayed prayers as I started to talk the truth. I told her that she is a person who cares and because of that she has value beyond measure. She is a creation of God and so she has value. And yes she may have made mistakes and may still make mistakes - drinking being one of them - but that does not eliminate her value. By the end of our conversation I had her laughing a bit. But the laughter so often does not take away the pain but masks it.

I so badly want to take some of this pain and throw it into an abyss. I so desparately want to force people to hold on to Jesus and place their pain on him. I know that he was standing with those that are pain filled. Invisible but with tears in his eyes.