The Paths of Discontentment

Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer . . .;
And all the clouds that low'r'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.

Richard The Third Act 1, scene 1, 1–4

Lately I have been feeling discontented.  I have wondered to myself, "Is this all there is to life?  Work, play, giving a little?"  I have been longing for change of pace, change of scenery, change of single status.  I believe that this discontentment is from God because as I am asking questions, He too is asking things of me, "Is this all there is to your life?  Work, play, giving a little?  Are you using the gifts I have given you?  Are you living out your calling?  Are you longing for me?"

Today I realized that my discontentment can lead two ways.  Yesterday, I was at a wedding with a dance and alcohol.  I nominated myself as designated driver and had the privilege of observing the comaderie that alcohol created, the flirtations and "freedom" that resulted.  Frankly I felt lonely in my sobriety and jealous of the friendships/flirtations of others.  I wanted to partake of the lifestyle.  I felt discontented with who I was.  This morning I realized that the discontentment that I have been feeling could result in me longing for worldly things - things that don't last.  

So today I heard God saying, "Yes this discontentment comes from me because I want you to pursue me and heavenly things.  What are you pursuing right now - more education?  more love? relationships with others? more ways to have an impact?  None of these are bad things but I want you to pursue me.  I will relieve your discontentment.  I will fulfill these other things as well.  But pursue me."

So I am at a crossroads, a daily crossroads.  In my discontent what will I pursue?  What will I use to fill the emptiness?  Whose strength will I rely on?  Whose plan will I follow?